Showing posts with label Real Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Real Men. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Why You Should Let G.K. Chesterton Baptize Your Christian Mind

If the title seems a bit irreverent, I hope you'll forgive me for quoting C.S. Lewis. Lewis said that what Chesterton did for him was to baptize his intellect much the same way George MacDonald had baptized his imagination. In other words, Chesterton persuaded a young and atheistic Lewis of the rationality and sensibility of Christianity. It would be some years before Lewis fully converted to Christianity, helped largely by J.R.R. Tolkien, but Chesterton's book The Everlasting Man was one of the most significant steps forward. (Here is more on that story.)

Yet that is only a fraction of what Chesterton accomplished. My prayer is that I can persuade you to increase your joy and encouragement by seeing what Chesterton has to offer every Christian.

Image: goodreads.com
http://ow.ly/BrM2301gLHo
G.K. Chesterton died 80 years ago today, but in life he was one of the towering intellects of the 20th century. There are certain Christians that virtually every believer feels they should know something about: Augustine, Martin Luther, John Wesley, John Bunyan, Charles Spurgeon, C.S. Lewis, etc. Chesterton definitely qualifies. He contributed his reason and wit to almost every possible subject that a Christian might encounter. He wrote dozens of books applying Christian truth and reason to the problems of culture and society, addressing everything from materialism and secularism to the culture of death and the disintegration of marriage. He was not trained as a theologian, yet wrote on theology with a brilliance and perceptiveness that stunned professional scholars. His biography of St. Thomas Aquinas was called perhaps the best book ever written on Thomas by Etienne Gilson (himself probably the most significant Thomist scholar of the 20th century).

He debated George Bernard Shaw and H.G. Wells on philosophy, reason, science, and culture - but they were also his friends. Indeed, Chesterton had a gift for being on good terms with almost anybody, and an irrepressible joviality and cheerfulness that make his writing delightful to read. He wrote biographies of Charles Dickens and Robert Louis Stevenson and more. He published a newspaper column for decades as well as his own newspaper. He wrote poetry. He wrote plays. He wrote detective stories that rivaled the Sherlock Holmes tales in popularity. He wrote on history and literature. He debated Clarence Darrow on evolution in New York City in 1931 after the Scopes Trial publicity. Several commentators believed Chesterton won the debate.

On top of all that, Chesterton was a tireless defender of the common man, and skewered political systems and social agendas that pretended to be progressive but in effect really hindered or oppressed the average person. He was relentless in holding ideas and people accountable to plain common sense, and showing how even the most sophisticated rhetoric often fell down when exposed to it. In the conclusion to his book What's Wrong With The World, he gives perhaps the most powerful and thundering defense I've ever heard for why government social engineering must give way before the basic virtue of individual human dignity. Chesterton was not about to tolerate for one minute any social scheme or government plan that made the man (usually the poor man) merely an object manipulated by the state.

As a Christian, you can probably find something Chesterton wrote that speaks to anything in your life. One of the remarkable resources to help you do just that is the American Chesterton Society. They have put an enormous variety of Chesterton's work online and indexed and explained it so that you can pick and choose where to start and what to explore. The Society is really responsible for much of the availability of some of Chesterton's work today, and is a very precious tool.

The American Chesterton Society's "Discover Chesterton" page gives a brief overview of the diversity of his work, and links broken down by category for a sampling of his most interesting writing in each area:

o    The Critic
o    The Detective
o    The Essayist
o    The Historian
o    The Poet

Additionally, they have 94 lectures covering both the major works and a generous variety of his other writings. I shared earlier today some other suggestions and an article for getting started with Chesterton. I hope these links will be a doorway to delight and inspiration for you.

As a post-script, the book I treasure most is Orthodoxy, Chesterton's spiritual autobiography. Although it may not be the most accessible place for some people to start, once you are ready for it, what awaits you is a story of enchantment that unfolds Christianity like a fairy tale - and demonstrates why only Christianity makes sense of the world. This is the story of how Chesterton discovered through his own ponderings about life, and his own experiments in searching for truth, beauty, and reason, the great story of Christianity and how it made sense of everything in life. The difficulty people encounter in reading it is that Chesterton uses metaphor and imagery very heavily, and some of it can require a lot of careful thought and imagination in order for the concepts and arguments to come through clearly. It is well worth the investment, but working up to it by getting used to Chesterton's style may be helpful.

Happy reading.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

You Do Not Need to Punish Yourself Over Sin

This morning I linked to an article full of wise, helpful, and encouraging things you can do in the moments after you have failed and fallen into sin, so that you can receive God's grace and focus on making sure you resist temptation next time. For some, just the use of the word "encouraging" related to what to say to someone after sinning seems out of place and inappropriate. There is a common attitude that if you have fallen into sin, you should feel bad about yourself for a suitable and respectable period of time before you are permitted to be hopeful and encouraged again. I am thankful to say that's not how God deals with us. Further, it doesn't even work.

God Does Not Demand Penance
 
God does not expect penance, a specific time of self-punishment and self-denial set aside to suffer for your sins. You aren't required to do something before you can be accepted and forgiven. Before the coming of Christ and His placing Himself between our sin and us, taking the full weight and punishment of our guilt on the cross, there was a system in the Hebrew temple for bringing sacrifices before God to atone for the guilt of sin. God set that up through Moses, but He was teaching the people and preparing them for something better: one sacrifice that would take away the guilt of sin forever. The offering of doves and goats on the altar never actually removed the guilt of sin; it was symbolic. (See Hebrews 10:1-18). It pointed the way to the real sacrifice that removed all guilt: Christ. (Hebrews 9:11-15).
 
Now that Christ has borne our guilt and iniquity, and taken all the penalty of sin onto Himself, there is no purpose for sacrificial offerings anymore. (Hebrews 9:25-28). "For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." (Heb. 10:14). "Therefore he is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance, since a death has occurred that redeems them from the transgressions committed under the first covenant." (Heb. 9:15). "He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself." (Heb. 7:27).

Therefore, there is nothing at all to pay. No penance is needed to compensate for sin. Christ already paid it. And as Charles Spurgeon brilliantly said, God is not unjust: what has been paid already, He will never demand to be paid twice. You are not expected by God to take part in paying some of the penalty for your sins. Not even an ounce.

Our biggest difficulty in accepting this is usually that it simply seems too easy. We find it hard to believe that after we've done something shameful or hurtful, God forgives us completely for free. It simply makes more sense to our worldly minds that we should have to pay to get it. Otherwise, can't we just take advantage of God's kindness and do whatever we want? No, because God does expect a couple of things, things that are impossible for people trying to take advantage of His kindness. They are not penance or payment. They are regret and repentance.

Instead, Bring a Broken and Contrite Heart

David makes it clear: "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:17). The only thing you must bring is a heart that is sorrowful over sin and repentant. You don't have to do something to be forgiven. But it is necessary that you feel something and believe something. If you regret your sin and desire to be healed, you're ready to come to God. But if you are making a show of asking for forgiveness, while smirking on the inside that you're getting away with something, you're in serious trouble. (I examined what it means to have sincere repentance here.)

If you have any doubt that having a repentant heart is enough to be healed even from serious or destructive sins, consider when David wrote Psalm 51. It was after he had committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband Uriah, a faithful soldier serving David, murdered in order to cover it up. Christ did not die on the cross only for little sins. He paid for it all.

Even knowing that, many of us still feel that some period of shame and penance is needed just to be decent and respectful. It feels scandalous to turn around and embrace God's mercy so quickly. It doesn't seem to take sin seriously enough. Part of this is a confusion of emotions. Feeling ashamed and beating yourself up isn't helpful or necessary, but it is perfectly appropriate to feel sorrow and to mourn over sin. We should take the evil of sin seriously, and give thought to how we have dishonored God and harmed or betrayed others by choosing to sin. Sometimes our heartbreak over sin should be very deep and intense, leaving a lasting impact that makes us see sin more clearly and be repulsed by it. But that should not mean we sit far off from God, feeling ashamed to enter His presence until we have grieved long enough. You can remain sorrowful and regretful over sin without waiting before receiving the gift of mercy and comfort from God. The only thing we should slow down for is making sure our heart is actually repentant, so that we come to God sincerely.

How Long Does God Imply We Should Wait Before Seeking Forgiveness? 

If that doubtful feeling that it's not okay to ask God for forgiveness right away still lingers, consider this: God's ordinary way of dealing with us when we confess our sins is immediate acceptance and restoration.

The prodigal son returns home, and doesn't even get the words "Father, I have sinned..." out of his mouth before his father grabs him and embraces him. When he does make his plea to be accepted as a servant and work for his bread, his father ignores it completely and immediately restores him as a son and celebrates his return. (Luke 15:11-32). This is Jesus describing God the Father's heart for sinners.

Stop and reflect on how overwhelming this love and acceptance is: the father doesn't even pause to talk it over. He rushes on so that they won't waste a moment when they can be comforting each other and taking joy in being reconciled again. 
 
 
It is very important to the Lord that you not be in doubt about His love and His readiness to accept you. The Gospels and letters in the New Testament are full of invitations to come and be healed. God's love is so great that He does not want His children to bear the sorrow of their sin alone; He comforts us even over our sins against Him. This is what Paul tells us to imitate in how we forgive others. "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness." (Galatians 6:1). He tells the Corinthian church, regarding one who had been confronted about sin, "you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him." (2 Cor. 2:7-8).

Paul even says that forgiving everything and releasing this person from sorrow is necessary "so that we would not be outwitted by Satan[.]" (2 Cor. 2:11). Keeping people divided by sin and unsure of forgiveness is a demonic mission. One of the biggest problems with thinking you need to put yourself through a period of isolation and shame after having sinned, beating yourself up about how bad you are, is that it does nothing to make you stronger in resisting sin. Instead, it cuts you off from the source of your strength and resilience. Letting this person linger in sorrow any longer is dangerous: it makes him vulnerable. We can't afford to lock ourselves in a dungeon away from God until we feel we have suffered appropriately for sinning. What we need in that very moment is His strength to lean on.

God does not stand far off when we have sinned. He is right next to us, longing to pick us up again. Jesus displays His heart and empathizes with our failures: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16). Don't hesitate. Run home with confidence.

Free from Pornography and Every Addiction that Grips Your Soul

This is what you need to hear after you've fallen again. It is rare for a pastor or teacher to write something for you to read right after you just gave in to sin and indulged in temptation. But this is the encouragement you need right now, even minutes after downloading pornography, or getting drunk again even though you promised "never again," or writing secretly to that person who is taking the place of your spouse in your emotions. Boldly calling it Seven Things to Do After You Look at Pornography, Paul Maxwell gives us an article that spares you both the lame, unhelpful suggestions and the shaming. Instead, he gives comfort, hope, and good advice on what to do right now to change things. It applies equally to just about any addiction or temptation.

Below is the Cliff Notes version, where I tried to pull out and copy the main points. Everything below is from Maxwell except a few comments in italics from me. I have read a lot of things written to help with addiction, and watched many people struggle with it. This stuff is among the best I've seen.

Maxwell:
"It is often in the moment after the closed door, the darkness, the screen-light, the hidden act — after pornography indulgence — that Satan spins his most eloquent web: menacing patterns of thinking; bargaining with a disapproving and distant God; twisting us in on ourselves in self-hatred. It is in the moment after pornography indulgence that Satan does his finest work. It is in this moment that we need God to do his finest saving. "

1. Know Your Enemy

As soon as you indulge, you either plunge into self-hatred, or into self-avoidance. Satan is satisfied either way. Both paths believe his accusations (Matthew 16:23; 2 Corinthians 7:10).

Don’t forget: After you indulge, you are still mid-battle with a tenacious, evil person bent on stealing your life, and he has not yet gotten it.

[Don't withdraw from God and hide after you have sinned. That's when you need to run to Him most desperately. The battle is not over after you fall into sin; whether you turn to God in regret and plead for mercy and help is the most important battle. The heart of your fight is whether you will trust that His grace is sufficient for you, or doubt Him and neglect His help. Satan can't beat you just by leading you into sin. He can by causing you to stop trusting God for restoration.]

2. Fight Self-Hatred

Wallowing in self-deprecation and feeling like paying penance to God for sin is a sad and ironclad torture. It is false, and it is a wicked oppression. But grace does have a word on this.

If you are tempted to wallow, don’t let your (good) intuitive hatred of sin lead you to hate yourself. Be patient with yourself, because God is patient. He is fighting for your life (Genesis 32:24; John 10:10). He has not forgotten you. He has not left you. Keep fighting with him. Keep gasping for the air of divine life — the Life-Giving Spirit (1 Corinthians 15:45).

[Shaming and hating yourself is not humble or repentant. It is degrading and weakens you for further addiction and escapism. People who hate themselves tend to keep wallowing in sin because they don't think they matter anymore. The only way to overcome addiction is to care about yourself and to believe that God cares for you too. To have a will to resist sin, you must believe your life is worth fighting for (and God does, so who are you to disagree with Him?).]

3. Fight the Haze

What is impurity? It is feasting that becomes self-isolated, avoiding of God and man and self, numbed, dazed, deadened, desensitized. Sexual impurity induces a spiritual cataract. Again, the feeling is common — browser history cleared, slogging through the rest of the day, lumbering from task to task, from person to person — meaningless, personless, passionless. This experience is integrated into the fabric of pornography indulgence.

Morning mercies can be the emotional reset button we need when we spend our daily emotional cache on pornography (Lamentations 3:22–24). The lamenter is gasping. He prays what he cannot do. “The Lord is my portion . . . therefore I will hope in him.” (Lamentations 3:24). Really? Will you hope in him? Prayer is an act of hope. The prayer is the lamenter’s portion of the Lord’s work. Keep taking a step forward. Keep taking a breath. Without repeated indulgence, the haze will eventually wear off.

4. Guard Others

Pornography is a training session in the skill of using others for personal pleasure. Just be aware that you are now inclined to use people in close relationship the same way you use those in pornography — with selfish motive, with neglectful attitude, unrepentantly. Pornography puts relational blinders on us — it deeply impedes our ability to love others well. So, the best course of action is to walk as if we have physical blinders on: Tread slowly, and assume that we are currently very vulnerable and prone to treat those around us as subhuman. After indulgence, it is vital to keep in mind that those not on the screen deserve the respect and dignity that we just failed to show those on the screen.

[Be watchful: addiction is always self-serving, and puts your own pleasure or relief above everyone else. It changes how you see people. Using pornography makes it very difficult to look at a woman without seeing her as another possible object of sexual desire. If nothing else convinces you to flee pornography and other addictions, the fact that your mind is demeaning other people into objects to feed your desires should scare you off.]

5. Confess to a Friend

The purpose of confession is “that you may be healed” and “pray for one another” (James 5:16). Of course, the value of “the prayer of a righteous person” is that it “has great power as it is working” (James 5:16). Power to do what? To “cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

6. Use Your Clarity for Good

Yes, there might be a haze after indulgence. But there can also be a flood of clarity — the hindsight of regret. “When Judas . . . saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind” (Matthew 27:3). Judas’s clarity took him down a wrong path. But you can use your clarity to get back on the right one.

As Piper might say, “Don’t waste your regret.” Use it for God’s glory and your joy. Set up boundaries. Use the clarity that will surely fade before the next moment of temptation to build structures that will prevent this again.

7. Know Your God

Remember this: God loves you so, so much. He is unsettled by us (Genesis 6:6), and brokenhearted with us, and powerfully for you (Psalm 34:17–19). The haze can block us from God: “The stupid man cannot know; the fool cannot understand” (Psalm 92:6). But even when we cannot see him, even when we fail to obey him, let us pray: God, frustrate our plans to disobey (Nehemiah 4:15), and “no purpose of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2). More than anything: “God, help us to cast all our anxieties on you, because you care for us” (1 Peter 5:6–7).

Know the difference between the God-mask Satan would wear to deceive you: disgusted, distant, unavailable, disinterested, and remember the face of your real God: loving, patient, working, unsurprised, unrelenting, unwavering in his grasp on you. He won’t let you go.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Five Crucial Aspects of a Healthy Marriage

In preparation for a friend's bridal shower, my wife asked me the other day what my top three tips for a good marriage were. This is what our discussion produced, and after ten years of marriage I feel strongly that these have been some of the most important factors in the strength or our marriage. Sadly, you won't hear most of these in the average pre-marital counseling session. Let's change that by spreading good advice far and wide.

As a preface, it will be clear that these practices are all based on following Christ and believing in the Living God. That's because I know I couldn't have the marriage I have today without focusing on God and pursuing my relationship with Him. Much of the pain, struggling, and broken dreams we experience in life comes from trying to do things our way, on our own, without giving ourselves up to God and following His wisdom. (A good example of Matthew 7:24-27 in action.)

1. Make sure you both are in some sort of small group or Bible study that meets regularly, in which you each have people you can confide in and pray with. There should be at least one person of the same sex in your life and one in your spouse's life who you can each tell anything and everything to and who you don't hold anything back from. You each need someone you can confess your struggles and your sins to who will keep you accountable and who will pray for you.

2. Pray together with your spouse and read the Bible together. Talk about what you are reading together. If you just pray and read and grow in your knowledge of God separately, you are not building your marriage on a common relationship with God and a mutual dependence on God. It is amazing how many problems in marriage are reduced or solved by talking to God together and confessing your weaknesses and struggles together. You learn to trust Him together and to encourage each other in faith, and you learn to deal with disagreements and problems by talking about Scripture and by praying together instead of just hashing it out.

3. Resolve to forgive each other for anything and everything, just as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32). Be committed to loving each other no matter what, the same way God is committed to loving you. Marriage is not designed to make you happy or fulfill all your expectations. Marriage is designed to help you know Christ more and experience God more deeply, because knowing Him is where you will find happiness and fulfillment. Marriage will reveal to you your own pride, weaknesses, sins, and destructive attitudes more deeply than just about anything else. Resolve to accept that this is God's gift to you to help you overcome your own faults and the things that keep you from experiencing satisfaction in Him. Love each other as you are and encourage each other in growing and changing. When you do, you will experience more joy and satisfaction in your marriage and appreciate how it brings you closer to God.

4. Closely related to #3, never, ever doubt that people can change and that all things are possible with God. No matter how difficult your disagreements may be or how you may disappoint each other, don't give up. Remember what Paul said about the power of God: He raises the dead. We can depend on Him to rescue the living from any despair. God expressly says that He has the power to change a person's heart. Even if it seems like you reach a point where you can't work together on something or one of you won't budge, put your faith and hope in God and trust that He can change feelings, expectations, or attitudes for either of you. I have experienced it firsthand in a number of "hopeless" situations, and I have seen it in other marriages too. "[W]ith God all things are possible." This is not a promise that you'll get everything you want; it's bigger than that. Sometimes the work of God is to show you that what you want or think you need really isn't as important as you thought it was, and that your happiness will come without it.

5. Be open and honest with each other about what you hope for and what hurts you in your marriage. A friend of ours recently said that a lot of pain in marriage comes from expectations that are not communicated to each other, and which therefore go unfulfilled. Don't keep your feelings and your needs private. Talk to each other about how you feel and trust each other with your dreams and hopes. Don't hold back because you don't think anything will change. Remember #4.

What are your thoughts? Please share your advice too in the comments.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Husbands, Love Your Wives

I just posted here on Pastor John Piper's announcement that he is taking an eight-month leave of absence from all public ministry to focus on his wife and family. My wife and I had been going over a study Pastor Piper wrote some years ago on Spiritual Leadership, and one of the essential qualities of leadership he identified was loving your wife. This seems a very appropriate time to share what he wrote back then:

"Here I am speaking directly to men who are husbands and leaders. Paul said in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives!" Love her! Love her! What does it profit a man if he gains a great following and loses his wife? What have we led people to if they see that it leads us to divorce? What we need today are leaders who are great lovers. Husbands who write poems for their wives and sign songs to their wives and buy flowers for their wives for no reason at all except that they love them. We need leaders who know that they should take a day alone with their wives every now and then; leaders who do not fall into the habit of deriding and puffing their wives down, especially with careless little asides in public; leaders who speak well of their wives in public and compliment them spontaneously when they are alone; leaders who touch her tenderly at other times besides when they are in bed. ... Look her in the eye when you talk to her. Put down the paper and turn off the television. Open the door for her. Help her with the dishes. Throw her a party. LOVE HER! LOVE HER! If you don't, all your success as a leader will very likely explode in failure at home."

Thank God that He has moved Pastor Piper to focus on this, even years later, and to take the radical and humble step of telling his fellow brothers and sisters that he needs to take a break to tend to his family.